Saturday, June 11, 2011

Torn

It's a word I've been hearing a lot lately.  Torn between Israel and America, between children and career, between the freedom of youth and the responsibilities of adulthood, between being well-rested and staying online another hour or two.  There will always be opposing forces in this world, pulling us in different directions...and is there ever an end to the whims and wants of the heart?

I find myself wishing that there were more than just 24 hours in a day.  Life feels so short, each day flying by faster than the one before.  My dearest friend on our moshav reminisces about when she was my age, some 35 years ago, and everyone moved at a slower pace.  Modernization has its pros and cons.  Maybe we would be more at peace with ourselves if there was time to tackle the piles of to-do lists.

There are times when I feel as complete as the moon in the middle of each lunar month.  At other moments I feel as shredded and scattered as a roll of toilet paper that my 18 month-old gets his hands on.  Torn.  How do we work through these feelings?

My little Puriel encounters this dilemma on his own level and, while he was in the middle of getting dressed, informed me that "two times my tummy asked really nicely for food, but I told him to wait a minute."

Patience.  If you're like me then you probably just cringed.  Nobody seems to like this word, unless they're using it on another person.  Patience means I can't have everything right when I want it.  Patience means I might never get it at all.  Patience means the world might rush by and beat me to it.  There is such power--even beauty--in patience.  But isn't there an easier way to obtain it, than having it constantly tested?