Sunday, November 3, 2013

Silence is golden, but it eats you alive

"No news is good news," they say...but "they" clearly live in some other reality than mine.

Writing is therapeutic for me, freeing my soul, transforming scattered thoughts into black and white letters. I enjoy writing about deep, emotional, spiritual ponderings (and some silliness from my kids too), but what do you do when you can't write about what's really happening in life?

I'm entering the fourth calendar month since separating from my husband of ten years. Maybe it's a generational thing, but it seemed reasonable enough to keep things quiet on my Facebook wall and see what would develop once I had a little room to breathe and consider the future.

Last month I filed for divorce.

"Why isn't Aba (Daddy) coming home?" my three year-old asks me. Where do I start? What can you say to a child who wouldn't understand and shouldn't have to know. My neighbors need no explanation; they've seen and heard enough.


My theme song in life at the moment

So there, it's out now. I'll not be answering questions on here, or social media. I have no interest in public besmirchment of my nearly-former other half. But I'm home all the time now so feel free to stop by for coffee, to chat and catch up on life.

I want to end with a big THANK YOU to the family and a few geographically close friends who have not pushed me one way or another but only supported me in love. There is so much good in the world and so many good people. Thanks for helping me see that.

Monday, July 8, 2013

She's dead, Jim

Ok, so this blog isn't really permanently dead...it's just that I've been writing more lately on my "work" blog (which you should check out too!)
See you at livnot.org/blog

Monday, June 17, 2013

Gamla of the Golan: Camel's hump jutting out of the earth

Mostly pictures, but wanted to share this season's scenery from a recent tiyul (hike) in the Golan.  Enjoy the views from here and see them for yourself someday--worth the trip!


Took a day off from work to join Teneya for her class trip to Gamla.
The white next to the trees isn't a cloud, rather the snow-capped Mount Hermon.

Caught the last of this year's poppies,
unusually late and vibrant among the fading grasses.

Amazing views along the way.
No wonder the eagles love it here.

Israel's tallest waterfall: 51 meters.

Mother-daughter love.

Saw some unusual wildlife.

Teneya enjoyed the ruins;
climbing inside and imagining life during this period.

View of Gamla.  Another Masada-like story.
Tragic, yet inspiring to many.  Would you prefer death to capture?

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Blue Valley

Last week we took the whole family on a hike in Emek Hatechelet, the Blue Valley Park

The calming sound of the running spring mixed with majestic views
made it seem like we had traveled far from the city
Hemdiya found an old olive tree to sit in along the way

Butterflies danced between the flowers
An ostrich came over to greet us
A few ducks and swans too
We can hardly wait to go back again


Monday, April 1, 2013

Vacation

Vacation and I have this love-hate relationship. Admittedly a workaholic, I also enjoy spending time with my family. So after saving up some overtime hours, and while the kids are home from school for over two weeks straight, I decided to take some time off.

My first two days of vacation I only worked a total of five hours.  On the third, I worked another five. Coming home to five restless pairs of adorable blue eyes, I finally caved and set up an auto-reply on my email that I would be gone for a while.


We've had a great time, my family and I. A lot of hair pulling too...as the kids, and also the adults, do our best to adjust to the unusual amount of time that we are "breathing each others' air." Of course, the early part of the vacation was preparation for Passover. A wonderfully helpful guest arrived the day before the seder and the kitchen was clean and ready despite a late start. A family with three playmates for our children arrived later, followed by my sister. It was practically a miracle that we fit all 13 of us into the living-room-turned-dining-room.  Reminded me of Shabbats and holidays while we were on shlichut. Hadn't had so many guests at once since those days...


After the first day of Passover, we road-tripped to Hamat Gadar with extended family. The water was stinky but soothing. Kids had a blast at the petting zoo and bird show. We missed the alligator feeding, but everyone was content to swim a bit longer. I recruited my brother to ride one of those gut-wrenching gyroscope things that I hadn't set foot on since pre-pregnancy days. Used to be crazy about roller coasters, as some of my friends may tell you with some slight residual tremors at the memories. Before the sun set, we strolled around the ancient Roman bathhouse and caught a second, impromptu, bird show from a resident peacock.




Yom tov, Shabbat, yom tov--and now, here we are at the end.  It was too short, but it should have ended yesterday. As with any extended break at home, I mentally beat myself up for not being home with my kids all day, every day. Hemdiya opens up and rattles on about the workings of his three year-old mind. It's mostly talk of birthdays and his favorite things to eat, sprinkled with kisses and hand gestures when words won't suffice. His Hebrew is getting better now and sometimes the two languages get crossed. Cute as a button. Yahli Tifferet is already out of the infant stage and is a full-blown baby. Cooing and giggling, rolling and nearly sitting, her knees are as chubby as her smile.

The two bigger kids are just that: bigger. Teneya is nearly nine and Puriel's height fools strangers into thinking he's the oldest of the bunch. She has an email address already, and he's been on his first sleepover. Where does the time go? Before I know it, they'll be driving me to the doctor for my hearing aid tune-up.

Before the holiday, I got together with my usual Rosh Chodesh crew: an eclectic mix of mothers in a neighboring town. I adore these ladies and treasure this time to sing, create, learn, eat and talk with other women who have many of the same joys and struggles that I do.

After painting, I shared a song that was my anthem on the way out of my "Egypt" and has stuck with me since. Even now, ten years after packing my duffle bag and handing over the one-way ticket that I received three day earlier, the words still resonate just as strong...perhaps even more so. Smack in the middle, between Rosh Chodesh and Passover, we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Ever glancing over my shoulder, still gazing at the long path ahead, constantly flitting between here and then, now and there, "the promise and the things I know."  I'll have to record the song some day to share it with you too.

So I'll eat my last matza ball and save these pictures for the next vacation; sit down with a cup of tea to pull them out and dream of the good times and the bad, the sweet smiles of young faces. Then make more memories for the next year.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Perspectives II

This past week has brought on the realization that I'm afraid of messes.  (See original post here.)  I've seen how it's crippling at times and hampers my creativity, as well as my kids' artistic endeavors.

Challenged myself to a week of letting go, encouraging their expression, and getting my hands dirty along the way.  Here's what happened:

We used colored marzipan like modeling clay--then ate the creations!
It's a birthday party with cakes, presents, a girl and her dog.


Weeded my flower pots and planted seeds:
dill, parsley, and sweet pea.

Pipe cleaners were transformed into Puriel's Snoopy and Spiderman.
Teneya's rose-colored glasses (and their opposite) inspired by
studying the life and music of Nathan Alterman,
Pine cones found in the forest + stale bread/Bamba = a bird feeder.

We also spent more time just looking up at the sky,
catching beautiful sights like these.

Happy 2013!  Here's hoping that it will be a bright year;
full of joy, art, love, and creative messes.